Monday, June 13, 2005

Reach out and touch someone

Well, not in that way.

If someone's only a well-wisher (in that they wish you no specific harm), they probably deserve dastardly hatred--but with so many, what's a modern arch nemesis with a packed agenda? Enter Nemester, and its companion service, Archnemester, offering a vastly efficient way of subjugating your enemies. Remember, your enemies won't tyrannize themselves.

  • 1-Clickspiracy™

    Our patented 1-Clickspiracy™ technology allows you to quickly align your enemy's enemies against him. Simply bring up your enemy's profile to learn who his enemies are and click the "Conspire against" link to automatically share your plans for his destruction with his adversaries and schedule furtive online meetings.

Remember, while you're out making enemies, don't forget to stock up on quantum death rays and other sundry goods at Villain Supply. Don't be hoisted on your own petard--remember to pick up the flux capacitors for your cloaked orbital mind control astroid!

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

New Fountain Design

No word as to when Ikea will stock this.

Remember: Modewatch: now featuring blasphemous lawn ornaments.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

DIY Daisy-chaining which may be "illegal in some countries"

"How to organize a modern sex orgy." It may have become required reading in most high schools. or summer camps. Come to think of it, I've been tired of relying on professional daisy-chaining.

A warning
Group sex is immoral. Participation in group sex can make people question traditional values. Let this article be a warning about what you should not do. Knowledge about group sex can prevent such things from happening to you. You should also know that the use of some of the techniques described is illegal in some countries.

After 12 hours in a library workin on intratextual constitutional interpretation, "How to organize an amish peanut butter and jelly orgy" sounds kind of hot.

Remember: ModeWatch: just because McGyver could make it happen doesn't mean it's right.

Saturday, April 30, 2005

does it check out?

We here at ModeWatch would like to welcome the newest mode, BearMode. BearMode promises to introduce new spirit and fresh ideas to the PositiveMode/NegativeMode dichotamy, and we look forward to BearMode's meaningful contributions to the fray.

Unfortunately, BearMode seems to be a bit threatened by the objectivity, and may be thinking about an agenda to destabalize ModeWatch. All before we had so much as even contemplated any sort of color-code oriented threat level.

Remember: ModeWatch: Serving refills on the Hate-O-Rade.

Friday, April 29, 2005

how's it going, tiger?

In ModeWatch's first stream-watch project, we were alerted to hints in BritishStream media of "migers," or "man-tiger." We're not sure if they are related to ligers, or have the liger's capacity for magic. Whatever the case, this is going a bit too far (and sounds like a South Park episode). Seriously, San Diago (it's German for "whale's vagina" [which we don't recommend Google Image Searching for]) computer programmer Dennis Smith, if that is his real name, has had his fingernails "crafted" into "talons" and his teeth "filed to needle point."
Dennis Smith is tattooed from head to toe with orange and black stripes and his teeth have been filed to needle point.

He has also had latex whiskers implanted and surgery to his lips so he has a permanent snarl. He now wants a surgeon to graft tiger fur on to his skin, like a perma-wig.

Mr Smith, who has changed his name by deed poll to Cat Man, said: "I have a collection of old tiger pelts from the days of hunting. I want these grafted on to me. It will cost another $100,000 but will be worth it.

"When I have the coat of a tiger, I feel I will have reached my goal in life."

His fingernails have been crafted into sharp talons while his hands have tattooed markings like a tiger's paws. He says he feels like a tiger.
ModeWatch anxiously awaits Dennis "tiger all the time" Smith's first appearance on Elimidate, and reminds Dennis to "stay classy."

Remember: ModeWatch: Goals in life do not include becoming a tiger through surgical means.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

watching the watchers

The two modes (possibly joined by SisterMode, LiarMode, and BrownBearMode), have informally proposed some sort of mechanism by which the modes themselves would watch ModeWatch.

Frankly, ModeWatch is incapable of being watched due to its illegal ninja moves from the government, and we admonish the modes for even so much as trying. Let's be clear here, modes: you mode, we mode watch. It's just that simple.

However, ModeWatch is not all hubris, and is frightened by the growing proliferation of streams of media. First, it was the mainstream media. Then, the sidestream media. Recently, NegativeMode identified the obscurestream media. There might also be the Backstream media. Frankly, we didn't even know these streams existed, much less what they actually are. ModeWatch, always wary, may have to watch the "streams" as well. Continuing the aggressive, confrontational style of this post, we warn the modes not to attempt to categorize ModeWatch into any particular stream of media. ModeWatch has always been, and will remain, free of stream-related biases.

We assure the target reader of ModeWatch, incarcerated persons seeking non-interested mode-related commentary in non-iambic pentameter written form online, that any such observation of these streams will not detract from our main responsibility of watching the modes.

Remember: ModeWatch: Totally Awesome; cool, totally sweet.

exporting the modes

Things move quickly in the various modes. ModeWatch has noted, with approval, that PositiveMode has increased its robot coverage 1000%, and has increased outreach to the Large Japanese Fighting Robot Community. However, negativemode's coverage of Large Japaense Fighting Robots remains touch-and-go.

In fact, PositiveMode seems to have formed some sort of sister-blog relationship (not to be confused with SisterMode, with whom PositiveMode appears to have a blog-sister relationship) with an ascendent BBS based from the off-shore tax haven Japan. PositiveMode seems poised to enter the Japanese market, the "Asian Tiger" if you will, clashing with the incumbent titan mode-oriented blogs which have powered the sidestream media for too long. PositiveMode's foray into international relations, which we will call "Mr. Sparkle," will, hopefully, be without adverse incident. It remains unclear if Japan will check out in either positive mode or negative mode, or both.

NegativeMode's aspirations of global empire, if the new newspaper toolbar feature is any indication, seem to be pointed towards consolidation of the North American market (focused on such bustling commercial entrepots as Harrisburg, PA). We note that NegativeMode has done this under the guise of representing the mainstream media (which were, apparently, voiceless compared to the "sidestream and obscurestream" media). The addition of pop-up links seems to be a move to appease its significant South Carolinian reader base, named DJ Skuggs. Beyond a domestic liberation agenda, NegativeMode seems to be concerned with border security along the Rio Grande, perhaps concerned about incursion by Mexican "metric"-mode blogs. NegativeMode's exploitation of certain treaty provisions of NAFTA to export its brand of brash, no-nonsense tomfoolery threatens to destabalize the entire hemisphere, in a perverse Monroe Doctrine.

Modewatch reminds both modes to remain ever vigilant to get enough roughage, as DJ Skuggs would say, while they blindly expand beyond recognized borders of international law and common decency.

Remember: ModeWatch: Keeping you regular.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

obvious lack of Large Japanese Fighting Robot-related posting on both modes

I'd like to critique the inappropriate silence by both PositiveMode and NegativeMode on the 80's cartoon references front, most specifically, the failure by each to devote any coverage at all to Large Japanese Fighting Robot-related television.

There are no Voltrons, no Go-Bots, no Transformers. None at all. Why will neither mode "support our troops"? All of these robot affiliations have long and illustrious histories of defending freedom. It doesn't necessarily have to be about my compatriot, Optimus Prime. From personal experience, I can assure both PositiveMode and NegativeMode that at least the transformers are "more than meets the eye." More importantly, all of these "check out" in both positive and negative modes. I challenge both modes to immediately respond and verify that they are Large Japanese Fighting Robot-compliant.

Remember: Modewatch: more robots, more relevant.

linking policy.

You'll notice that ModeWatch does not link to either positivemode or negative mode in the template. In fact, ModeWatch does not link to any site at all in its "links" section.

We here at ModeWatch want to assure our faithful readers that decadent "features," such as linking, are avoided. We pass the cost-savings along to you, the customer--unlike many other blogs, who would have you support their unholy linking cabal, without even so much as asking you.

In some cases, the links actually cause embarassment on behalf of the blog that hosts them. We suspect that these links serve only to distract the reader from their lack of original content, which we might add, is neither compelling nor fresh.

Remember: ModeWatch: No links, no bullshit.

this is a blog about blogs.

This is a mode about modes, which is to say, this is a blog about other blogs.

Not much has been written about the tension, unbearable almost, between PositiveMode and NegativeMode. While they both tend to approve of the same things, they could not be more different. It's like a man-date odd-couple, paid for by their blogspot sugar daddy.

And to calm any nay-sayers out there, I'd like to assure you that: despite the rank impossibilty of remaining impartial, I will remain entirely objectively non-biased. In a sea of uncertainty, modewatch will most certainly be the steady pillar, or other inapposite metaphors indicating objectiveness. Yes, this blog will be the land of milk and honey, free of the mainstream and sidestream media.